Let Me Go
by CityCobra
Summary: Why is it so hard to move on? After all it was her leaving. CathSaraSlash, don't read if you don't like. Chapter 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

Let me go 

Chapter 1

Cath´s Pov

Is it wrong that I kinda got used to this feeling? That I wake up knowing that you and I are acting like we wouldn't exist to each other and also knowing that I won't do anything to change this situation? Or is it just wrong that I still, after six months constantly ignoring each other, haven't moved on or thought about it?

I don't know and that's why I am sitting in my car in front of your apartment. It's almost half an hour since I arrived here and I still haven't done anything. I didn't even try to exit the car. I am scared. Scared about your reaction about my visit. To be honest... even I don't know why I am here and what I am hoping to achieve by coming by.

I know I should get out.

To other people I must look like a stalker. Am I a stalker if I watch you as much as I can? At least as much as I can at work? I can't concentrate around you. Whenever you catch me looking I try at least not to look away immediately. I try to hold your gaze. But it's just so accusing.

I can't look in those eyes knowing that I caused you this. I know you would never confess to anyone that you are hurt. That you are deeply hurt, to be specific by me. And maybe most of the people around you doesn't notice. You are marvellous at hiding your feelings.

But I notice.

I notice so much about you. I noticed that you are hurt. I mean those looks are making it hard for me not to notice. I also noticed that you are drowning your pain in alcohol. I noticed that you do it alone at home or with random strangers at bars.

You are trying to act like you walked on.

I am almost sure that it isn't true although I see the marks of your nightly activities. But even if you are together with other people it still doesn't have to mean that you moved on.

I am not even mad.

I mean I am jealous, of course, but I am not mad or angry. I don't know why. Probably because I feel guilty and because I am not going to let my fault cause you more pain than it already has. I pretty much left you without saying much at all. At one day it just stooped. And you had to cope with it.

Alone.

You always have been a loner. Of course you had your friends but you just weren't really the "let me tell ya something about me" type. You knew a lot about other people though, even if the didn't tell you, but nobody knew much about you.

I was, and I emphasize the was, one of the rare people you let near you. You would let your walls down around me, you would tell me about your dreams and fears.

And I would listen... until I left.

You are just such a loving and caring person. You would risk everything for someone you really care about. Without second thoughts you would risk it all.

And I hurt you like this.

In the meantime I am leaning my forehead against my car.

At least I am out of the car now.

A few steps. Just a few steps. Come on, where is Miss Confident?

I hear footsteps but I am too lost in thought to give it more thought than needed.

"What are you doing here?"

What? Oh no, don't let it be her. I am not ready to talk to her. Give me at least another three hours.

But I didn't need to turn around to confirm that it was her. I know her voice. I would recognize it while thousand other people were talking about god knows what.

"What?", I looked at her with a look that only could be described as confused.

That's right pretend that you are dumb. That's probably the best way.

"You heard me.", she said with vacant stare.

Okay, maybe it isn't the best way.

"I... er... was...", I stuttered.

Clear sentences. Breathe. Breathe in and breathe out and then talk.

"You know what? Forget it.", she said and then turned and left.

What?! No... don't go. Just let me get my thoughts straight. I need to think about what to say.

"No!", I said out of pure desperation.

I told myself not to beg. I won't make it worse than it is already. I won't let her hate AND pity me.

"No? No, what?", she asked.

Is she making it hard for me on purpose? Isn't it clear what I mean?

"Don't go...", I said just above a whisper.

She now stooped staring at me and looked at the floor while sighing heavily.

"Don't do this... please...", she pleaded as she came nearer and finally looked up at me again.

I know this look. She is fighting against her pride. Please let her win. If there is a god, please let her win this fight. Give me one more chance.

Tears are welling up in my eyes now and I don't trust my voice so I stay silent.

"Please, Cath, don't do this...", she repeated.

I looked at her and waited for her to continue.

She once again sighed, "I did and would have done everything for you... so just do me this one favor and don't do this. Not now."

And just when I was about to answer a woman called Sara's name. Sara looked at me wordlessy but straight into my eyes like she wanted me to understand this without explaining much.

As the woman approached us, or more specific when she approached Sara she put her arm protectively around the waist of Sara.

"What is taking you so long? I thought you just wanted to bring out the garbage?", said the, on closer look, very attractive blond woman who was obviously more than just a friend to Sara.

Hopefully they didn't hear my heart crack. Although I think even deaf people could have heard my heart cracking.

She is seeing someone? Why didn't I knew this? I thought I would recognize such thing.

"Hey, I just was delayed because I met Catherine.", Sara said never leaving my eyes.

Ouch! That hurts. Okay, keep it cool Catherine. Don't let your hurt show. You can do this. 

"Oh... so you are Catherine.", she said as if she hadn't heard the best stories about me. "I heard a lot about you."

There you go...

"Hi.", I got out, very insecure of what to say. I didn't even managed to hold out my hand.

Great now she thinks I am a bitch, namely a very impolite bitch.

What's wrong with you? You are Catherine Willows. People are intimidated by you not the other way round.

"Hey, I am Anna.", she said while tightening her hold around Sara's waist.

"Ann, why don't you go ahead while I say goodbye to Catherine?", Sara asked not breaking eye contact with me.

Yeah, why don't you go ahead, Ann? Mind your own business!

"Yes, of course. Don't take to long though, dinner's almost ready.", she said and kissed her softly on the cheek. And still Sara wasn't leaving my eyes.

Is she tempting me? Does she want me to see this? Does she want to hurt me?

"I won't.", Sara said and Anna gave me one last look before leaving.

"I should go...", I began only to be cut off by Sara.

"Yeah you should...", she said harshly. "look...", she said a little bit calmer closing her eyes. After she ran her hand through her hair and opened her eyes again she came closer in order to be able to whisper in my ear.

The only thing I thought was, 'Oh. My. God. I can feel her breath tickle my neck.'

"I am going to regret this, I know that, but I can't go on like this. So please, let me go. Ann could be the one I could move on with, maybe even be happy with only if you'd let me go...", she whispered ruefully and after that she kissed my neck and went away.

"Let you go?", I asked in disbelief. "Let you go?", I repeated.

But Sara just walked on till she vanished into her apartment complex.

'I can't let you go because I am in love with you', 'I don't want you to move on', 'Start with me again', 'Give me another chance'. Why didn't I just said one of these sentences? But no, I am just standing like a lovesick puppy in the parking lot in front of her apartment looking damn ridiculous. Damn me, I had the chance.

With trembling fingers I touch the spot where she kissed me. It's still tingling.

God why can't I move on? I left. Why do I have to do this now? To me and to her.

"I need a drink.", I said unconsciously.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

**Things written in _italic _are flashbacks.**

Let Me Go

Chapter 2

Sara's Pov

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", I swear as I punch the wall out of pure desperation about not knowing what to feel or what to do. I want her. No, I want to hate her, I want to hate her so much. It would be so much easier if i could just hate her. So many thoughts are running through my head right now and i can't focus on one.

"Damn this...", I mumble while sliding down the wall I just punched.

Why does she always has to do this to me? She left me. She just went away without telling me why, so why can't she just let me go.

* * *

"_Cath, come on...", I plead trying to wiggle out of her grip._

"_No.", she says continuing kissing my neck, effectively pinning my arms, which are trying to distract her, against the wall. _

"_You know that's... not fair...", I try hard not to concentrate on her kisses or her body pressed against mine, "I don't have the... day off, and I certainly wouldn't... make it so hard for you... to leave.", I try to reason between teasing kisses._

_She stops kissing me for a moment only to be able to look into my eyes. I take the chance and try to wiggle out of her grip again but it only tightens and I find myself still pinned against the wall, "Well...", she begins, kissing me once more, "From now on feel free to make it hard for me to leave every time you'll get the chance to.", she says smirking before my neck comes under notice by her lips once again._

"_Oh god, Cath", I moan, "Come on... let me go.", I beg her because if we don't stop now we'll never stop._

_Suddenly her grip on my wrists loosens and instead of pinning them down again she brings her hands up to cup my face. She locks eyes with me and we are standing like that for a while until her hand begins to caress my cheek. Our faces are only inches apart and I can feel her breathing against my lips._

"_I would never let you go.", she whispers._

* * *

I try so hard to move on. I really do. But how am I supposed to move on when she always comes back playing with me? 

I stand up again and start to pace down the hallway simultaneously running my hand through my hair.

This just can't be. This did not just happen. Catherine Willows didn't just sit in the parking lot and she certainly didn't try to talk to me again after six months constantly ignoring each other. God damn, six months. Who does she think she is? Coming by after six months, thinking that one damn excuse would make up for all the pain. I bet she didn't even wanted to apologize, 'cause she is Catherine Willows and she gets everything she wants.

Suddenly the anger changes into deep hurt and all I want to do is sink to the floor and cry, but I know I won't. Not because I think crying a sign of weakness and neither because I know that it won't change my situation just because I can't cry anymore. I cried so much for you and now it just feels like there's not a single tear left for crying.

I am still pacing.

I am so desperate right now. I don't know what to do. What do I do now?

"Bye."

Suddenly I stop my pacing in the middle of the hallway. Am I totally out of my mind now? I slowly turn around to see Ann in front of me, her bag standing beside her. Okay, so I'm not insane but what does Ann wants in the hallway, with her bag which is obviously packed with the few things she brought with her the times she was staying at my apartment.

"You know cold food isn't that delicious...", she says, forcing herself to smile.

Oh, damn, dinner. I totally forgot about that. How long have I been outside?

I am too confused and too shocked to come up with anything to say so she takes it as her cue to leave and picks her bag up beside her.

She walks away and I am just watching her leave.

She is standing in front of the elevator reaching out to push the elevator button but hesitates. She let's out a exhausted sigh and looks at me. Then she puts down her bag and walks towards me when she reaches me she extends her arms and embraces me but I don't hug her bag, I just let her hug me.

"You know what?", she stops embracing me before continuing, "The trick is not to look back even if it hurts with every step you take forward."

She kisses me one last time before she heads for the elevator with one last look she vanishes inside the elevator and let out a shaky breath.

I did not just lose the only thing left in my life.

My god, I am such an asshole. Anna really didn't deserve this.

* * *

_I am standing at the bar playing with toothpicks whilst waiting for my drink. _

"_There you go.", the blond bartender, whos name tag says Anna, tells me handing me the drink. _

_I nod in appreciation, bringing the glass to my nose to smell the drink. I swivel the transparent fluid once in the glass before I swallow it down in one gulp. _

"_Whoa, easy tiger...", she says shocked._

"_Can I get another one?", I ask deciding to ignore her shock._

_She looks at me for a moment before refilling my glass. When I reach out to take it she pulls away._

"_On one condition.", she demands._

"_I didn't know that drinking comes with conditions.", I joke, obviously finding myself very witty._

_She doesn't laugh, instead she takes the drink and walks over to the sink._

"_Okay, name that condition!", I almost scream to stop her._

_She turns again, the drink still in her hand smiling triumphantly._

"_You'll get this drink...", she emphasizes her words by showing me the drink, "If you'll share."_

"_My drink?", I ask slightly confused. _

"_Your worries.", she answers seriously, looking straight into my eyes._

* * *

God, I am such an asshole. 

I make my way over to my apartment. When I arrive at my door I lean my head against it noticing just how fuck up my life really is. I let out a sigh and open the door. The smell of cold of vegetarian lasagna is making its way into my nostrils.

That must be the nauseous odor of loss.

I stand in my hallway a moment before turning and closing the door. With another sigh I turn again and make my way over to the kitchen table. She didn't bother to clear the table. Dinner still lays, untouched on its plates. Candles are half burnt standing in the middle of the table.

"Damn", I mumble realizing how much I must have hurt her.

I let myself sink into one of the chairs and stare at my plate.

I grab some of the lasagna with my fingers, not bothering about manners, plugging it into my mouth I immediately regret it.

She's right, cold food isn't that delicious.

**TBC**

* * *

**So the next chap will probably take a little longer to update, so be patient.**

**Thanks for reading**


	3. Chapter 3

Long time no see or read… anyway… here's chapter three hope you like what you read.

So enjoy! ;)

* * *

Cath's Pov

I sit here in my office watching the wall clock, a duck wall clock by the way. I concentrate. Only two more minutes and it's exactly two days ago since I found out about Sara and Anna, since Sara broke my heart and since I lost all my hope.

That's quite much for a conversation which didn't last longer than five minutes.

I sigh and bury my head in my hands.

"This is so messed up... so fucking messed up.", I murmur close to tears.

In one swift movement I clear my desk by throwing all which is on it on the floor. All the paperwork which I did, desperately hoping it would distract me from my pain and my sorrows, the picture of me and Lindsey, stupid ducks the day shift supervisor is putting everywhere and other things which aren't supposed to be on the floor right now. I feel my composure crumble as I get up from my chair to pick up the mess.

I am about to pick up a file when it hits me.

That yesterday was probably the last chance I had and it was for nothing. Sara is trying to move on. Even worse, is willing to move on to be finally happy. And I can't blame her for that. All she was with me or without me is unhappy.

I slide down the wall behind me and begin to sob uncontrollably.

All I want to do is to lay down and sleep and never wake up. I never thought that all this is really true. That unrequited love is doing all this to you. The sleepless nights and if you get sleep you only dream of her, the wish to crawl into a hiding place and never come out, the need to stay away from others... I never thought that all this is true.

But apparently it is.

I am still sitting with my back against the wall when I hear a knock. One glance at the clock tells me that I've almost been here for my entire shift.

Unrequited love, obviously, also let's you forget time and place,

I try to tidy up while simultaneously trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

"Hold on a sec!", I throw over my shoulder when I throw the files and papers in an unorganized stack on my desk again.

Whilst running my hand through my hair I make my way over to the door. With one last breath I open the door and force myself to smile.

"Hey.", Nick greets, passing me by and takes a seat in front of my desk.

God, I feel annoyed.

Normally I wouldn't. He's a friend. It's okay if he takes the freedom and takes a seat.

God, he just sat down, why I am so annoyed about it?

'Probably because you try to avoid other people? It isn't because he sat down, it's because he is in your office while you just wanted to drown in self-pity.', I answer the question for myself.

"Hey", I answer back while I make my way over to my chair.

"I didn't see you the whole shift, wondered if you were even here, so I thought I come by and say hello.", he explains his visit only to continue, "Me and Rick want to go out and have something to drink, you're up for it?", he asks cheerfully, way too cheerfully for me.

"Nick...", I start.

"Ah, I know what comes now... Come on Cath! When was the last time we went out and had fun? You have to come with us!"

"I don't think that I am...", I start again and look up only to see him pouting like a three year old.

"Pleeeeease...", he whines.

I really don't want to go out and I really don't want to go out with other people, even if they are my friends. On the other hand I need distraction and a drink would afford that distraction.

And before I can think about it even more I hear myself saying "Okay, count me in.", and smile slightly at Nick.

"Great, so we'll meet at that club down the strip. We've been there before, you remember?", he asks already standing up and walking back to the door.

"Yeah, I remember.", I say.

"Good, we'll probably be there before you so we'll just wait inside.", he says giving me one last look before taking the doorknob in his hand and opening the door.

"Okay, see ya later.", I say letting out a huge sigh when the door finally closes again.

I let myself sink back into the chair and wonder why I said yes when all I wanted to do is drown in self-pity the whole evening. Before I waste another thought about I decide to get rid of the mess I produced earlier. I take the file on top of the stack and pick it up and am greeted by a photo.

A photo of me and Sara.

And I swear my hearts stops beating at first only to race like crazy afterwards.

I usually keep this in one of my drawers since the fight with her. But I took it out today to stare at it like a love sick puppy since it seems to be the only visible evidence of us once being happy. I must have forgotten to put it away again and it ended up between all those files.

The photo shows me and Sara while I kiss her on her cheek. The look of her is priceless. It was taken shortly after our first kiss.

* * *

"_Come on... just one."_

"_No, I hate photos, I look like an idiot in them!", she declares while she is holding her hand in front of her face in order to be able to hide it._

"_Not only in photos.", I joke as I try to push her hand away to take a photo._

"_Oh, you finally played your chance to take a picture, lady.", she says in mock defense._

_I put down the cam and sit beside her._

"_I am sorry.", I say._

"_No you are not, I don't belive you.", she replies not able to hide her smirk._

"_Of course I am!", I say positioning myself in front of her by straddling her lap feeling the tension build up, but we both aren't uncomfortable with it._

_Her hands are resting on my thighs when we lock eyes for a moment before she asks_

"_Really?"_

"_Really.", I reply without second thought._

"_Convince me.", she demands, her voice just above a whisper. _

_I lock eyes with her once more before leaning in kissing her tenderly. After a moment I pull back but just as far to be able to lock eyes with her again. _

"_I am sorry.", I repeat in a whisper letting my breath tickle her lips._

"_And I am convinced.", she whispers back leaning in again. _

_But before she can kiss me again I turn my head whilst grabbing the cam again and kiss her cheek instead of her lips. Pressing the __releaser_ _of the cam, I take a photo of the exact scene. _

_Me kissing Sara's cheek while she looks completely dumbfounded and at the same time so very adorable._

* * *

I let my finger slide over the face of Sara in that picture. God, it feels like years since we've been this close and this happy around each other.

I take one last look at the picture before I shove it into the back pocket of my jeans. I grab my jacket and make my way out of my office.


	4. Chapter 4

Yeah, I found some time and decided I spent it on writing Chapter 4. Enjoy!

* * *

Sara's Pov

I lie.

I lie to my friends.

I lie to my co-workers.

I lie to myself.

I lie to myself when I say that I am strong.

Because even if I say that I am strong and even if I act like it, I am not. And I am definitely not strong right now while I am sitting in this club, emptying my second beer, trying to forget the fact that I am lying to myself.

No, I am not strong. At least not as strong as I liked myself be.

I let out a sigh and grab a toothpick.

Toothpicks somehow got me. I like to play with them. It makes me look busy. Not lonely. Only busy playing with my toothpick. I can alternate between drumming the toothpick on the table, rolling it between my fingers and chewing on it.

The latter looks really cool.

Somewhat mysterious.

Somewhat thoughtful.

I met Anna whilst playing with a toothpick.

I let out another sigh and stare at the wall in front of me.

"I like toothpicks."

I just said that, no need to repeat yourself... wait that wasn't me.

I turn my head to look beside me. A brunette, a really sexy brunette by the way, sat down into the bar stole next to me and is, according to her look, waiting for an reply.

I am not sure what to reply to that. 'Yes, toothpicks are really great. Are you an expert? Do you produce them?' would be a bad idea, i guess.

She's sexy. She is obviously trying to start a conversation, even if it's about toothpicks, on the other hand I like toothpicks. So, go for it Sidle!

I take the toothpick between my thumb and forefinger and check her out openly before replying, "There are better things.", and with that I put it back leaning my head on my hand waiting for her reply.

"Like what?", she asks, leaning in closer. Her voice sounds a little lower than before.

"Like... two toothpicks.", I say as I sit up again and hand her one.

She laughs and takes the toothpick.

"I am Max.", she says still smirking.

"Here in town I am known as 'Toothpick Sara' but you can call me Sara", I wink.

"Let me guess your middle name is 'funny'?", she plays along.

"No. My middle name is 'witty'. Goes with the toothpick.", I explain signaling the bartender to bring two beers. One for me and one for my new friend here.

"Figures.", she says before continuing, "Well, and what is 'Toothpick Witty Sara' doing here?", she asks playfully.

"Well...", I start leaning in a little closer but before I can continue the bartender arrives with our drinks. I pull back slightly and thank him. When he vanishes again to serve the other guest I lean in again and finally continue.

"Well", I start once again, "I've been here... drinking and trying to act mysterious with my little toothpick here...", I stop and lean in even closer in order to be able to whisper into her ear, "when this gorgeous and really sexy toothpick obsessed came to me and told me that she liked toothpicks, and you? What have you been doing?", I husk into her ear letting my breath tickle her neck. When I pull back she has her eyes closed.

Ha! I still can do it!

She clears her throat and looks at me.

Suddenly she gets off her bar stole and I am worried that I scared her off. So I get off my bar stole too and want to start to apologize only to be cut off by her positioning herself in front of me. She locking eyes with me. Our bodies are almost touching, almost.

"I was already on my way home when I spotted this stunning brunette who is definitely worth staying a little longer.", she says seductively.

Well, she isn't that bad either.

"And what are we...", I start when I suddenly see Warrick enter the club, Nick and... oh no... Catherine following him.

Max follows my stare.

"Someone you know?", she asks turning her head back to me.

"Yeah, and at times like these I wish I wouldn't.", I say keeping my eyes on the three of them.

Max is sitting already in her bar stole again when Warrick spots me. Smiling he makes his way to the bar. I fake that same smile.

"Hey, Rick.", I greet, not so happy about the fact that we are at the same club.

Don't get me wrong he's a great friend and I really like him as I like Nick, but I came here to be alone. I didn't forbid going home with someone else but I wanted to be alone which means being with people which I don't know and I certainly didn't intend to spend the night at this club with Cath.

"Sara! Didn't knew you were here", he says.

Well, you guys not knowing where I was is what I intended by coming alone without telling someone.

"Yeah, thought I get some distraction.", I explain daring one glance at Catherine knowing that she'll understand the hidden meaning.

Nick joins in now and greets me heartily.

"Hey, Sar! You want to join us? We spotted a empty both back there.", he tells me and before I can make up my mind about what to do Max notifies herself by giving me a matchbook with her number on it adding,

"Call me."

With that she empties her beer and leaves.

Damn! I was this close.

I look at the matchbook and then back at Nick and Warrick who are smirking like idiots. Before they can say something embarrassing I take my beer and make my over to the empty booth not missing the hurt look on Catherines face.

"So, Sara you know that girl?", Nick asked as we sit down trying to get the attention of the bartender and when he finally gives up on trying he looks at me again, full of expectation. He looks hopeful actually. As if he expects me to say something like, 'Yeah, Nick. I know her. We had a couple of pillow fights.'

"No, not really. I just met her.", I say truthfully.

"Oh, but she seems to like you.", he says, smirking even wider nudging Warrick who sits to his left.

"She likes toothpicks.", I state. Totally confusing him.

"Erm... I am going to get a fresh round. What do you guys want?"

"A beer.", I say emptying mine and hand him the bottle.

"Make that two.", Warrick says.

"And you Cath?", Nick asks her directly.

"I'll take one, too. But get me some shot will ya?", she answers.

"Okay. So three beer and a shot, anything else?", he asks. Taking the silence as a no he leaves for the bar.

"Excuse me, ladies", Warrick gets up and straightens his shirt, "But I need to take care of something.", he says making his way over to a girl on the dance floor.

"Charmer.", I mumble smiling to the floor deliberately trying to avoid eye contact with Cath. The only person who's left on the table.

"You would know."

My head snaps up and I see her staring at me with hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Excuse me?", I say.

"I said you wou...", she begins but I cut her off before she can repeat herself.

"I know what you said.", I snap, starting to feel the anger boiling up.

That's typical Catherine Willows. We ignore each other. We don't even manage to say 'hello' to each other but when she's jealous, and she's definitely jealous, she decides to provoke me just to get a damn reaction just so she can let off her steam.

* * *

_"I always thought I am the one who uses her sexuality to get what she wants but you really know how that's done.!", she says while she steps into her office with me following her._

_I close the door. Even if us fighting isn't anything unusual to the others I don't want them to witness our fight._

_"My god Catherine, what is your damn problem?", I ask slightly annoyed by her reaction._

_"My problem is that you are hypocritical, Sara. Telling me I use my sexuality but you aren't doing any better. That's my damn problem.", she yells at me stepping closer to me._

_"Yeah, of course. Catherine you've been there. He flirted with me...", I start but get cut off._

_"Sara, Sara Sildle.", she mocks my earlier words, "Come on! Who are you kidding?You totally flirted back." _

_I start to lose my patience and step even closer so we are barley a feet away from each other._

_"I wasn't flirting back. I was merely telling him my name! And even if I was flirting back it is nothing of your damn business!", I yell back._

_"Yeah, of course. If that was just telling your name I don't even want to know what you do when you flirt.", she snorts. "And it gets my business when it affects your work!", she justifies._

_Good god, I don't get her. She's acting like she's jealous. _

_And suddenly it hits me. She IS jealous._

_"You know the only one who is affected by that, is you, it seems.", I tell her smirking viciously._

_"Oh, come on...", she exclaims._

_"No, no, no... everything fits. How you looked at me when I was interviewing him and how you are acting now. All frustrated...", I stop smirking at her again stepping behind her and bend down so that my mouth is directly beneath her ear, "Tell me Cath...", I whisper, "Could it be that you are jealous?"_

* * *

I can't do her the favor to fight back because Nick comes back and puts down the drinks. I grab the shot, her shot, and gulp it down. I look at Catherine and take my beer and take a big swallow of it before I stand up, immediately feeling the alcohol. I pull out my wallet and throw some notes on the table not caring how much I left.

"I really need to go.", I say and start to make my way over to the exit.

"Have fun", I throw back over my shoulder meaning it more to Cath than to Nick, knowing she'll also understand the sarcasm.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for the huge and mighty delay but school got in the way and stopped me from doing anything joyful but now i am back at least for one (crappy but still...) chapter. I also know that I promised some of you a sequel to 'Mysterious Someone' but I over read it and suddenly I hate it so be patience on that one a little longer I try to work on it.

* * *

Cath's Pov

"Have fun!", I mock her earlier words as I try to open the door to my house. "Damn keys.", I continue when I still haven't managed to open the damn door.

"Why, thank you Sara I really had my fun!", I slur as I finally manage to open my door. Smirking triumphantly I give it a push until it collides with a loud thud against the wall behind it.

"Home sweet home.", I slur when I take a big step through my doorway. Without turning I kick the door close again with my feet and start to pull off my jacket forgetting the fact that I am still holding my purse in one hand which is complicating the whole task a lot. In the end I just let everything drop to the floor and start to concentrate on my next task.

Getting out of my shoes.

I have to say that heels can be sexy as hell but they aren't really drunk-friendly. I lost count about how many times I twisted my ankle tonight.

Bending down to pull them off I almost fall over but I manage to steady myself on the wall next to me. Another two thuds and the shoes hav joined the pile on the floor.

I let out a breath before I unbend again.

"Tsk... have fun!", I snort as I make my way over to my couch in the living room. Rather ungracefully I let my body slump onto it.

Letting out a groan I bring my arm which is dangling from the couch up to cover my eyes.

After Sara left I kinda felt like taking off the edge and apparently I thought the best way or rather the fastest way to do that would be to get ludicrously drunk.

Well, mission acomplished I'd say. I am drunk. Ludicrously drunk.

I let out another groan and manage to get my whole body onto the couch until I am lying fully on my back. I dare to open my eyes again but regret it immediately. Everything spins.

"Shit!", I hiss while my hand is searching for a pillow I can bury my face in. Finally finding one I push my face into it and start to let my mind wander. While I was still at the club the constant thought about more alcohol stopped me from doing so but now I just can't help.

Why does she have to be like that? She could have at least fought back. I can't stand it when she does that. I absolutely hate it. I can remember a time when Sara and I just screamed at each other. It was easy, well, more or less. We would push each others buttons and scream at each other afterwards, but for some time now our fights started to reach a whole new level. We still push each others buttons, provoke each other but then just when we think the other is about to fight back one of us flees the whole scene leaving the other frustrated and charged with their anger.

"Damn this!", I say as I remove the pillow from my face to sit upright again. I let my head lean against the headrest of my couch.

"This sucks... life sucks... Sara sucks... everything sucks." I say to the empty room, wishing it would finally stop spinning.

I let out another sigh and close my eyes. My thoughts wander to Sara. My thoughts probably never left Sara but that's another topic. She looked really good tonight. I can understand why that Max chick made a move on her. She looked hot. Those legs are going to kill me. Gosh, she is so fucking hot. Her ass, her breasts... she is gorgeous.

Slowly my hand caresses my stomach. My breathing has increased and I feel hot all of the sudden. I let my hand cup myself through my jeans. I am horny and I would give almost everything to have Sara here with my right now. She'd knew what to do.

What to do with me.

What to do for me.

God, I wished it was Sara touching me right now.

I let my hand slip into my still buttoned jeans and am not surprised how wet I am. Every time I think about Sara I am this wet and all I want is her.

When I am like this I imagine us having a fight. I push her buttons. And just when words don't suffice anymore she pushes me into my office wall and fucks me. Hard and fast. She growls into my ear that she wanted to fuck me for so long and I only moan in response.

I start to circle my clit and hiss at the first contact. Needing more space I pull my hand out of pants in order to be able to open them. I let the buttons of my jeans pop open and get hornier with each popping button. I let my index finger slide between my folds asoon as my jeans is fully open. By the third time I let my finger finally slip into me. I let out a shaky breath and still think about Sara fucking me hard and fast in my office.

* * *

'_Okay, what's your fucking problem?'_

'_My fucking problem? I thought that was pretty obvious!', I scream at the brunette. _

'_Well, obviously it's not, otherwise I wouldn't be asking, would I?', she screams back at me while she closes my office door._

_I take a few steps towards her, 'You. You are my fucking problem!', I tell her while I stress each word by poking my finger into her chest._

'_Stop that...', she growls and takes also a step towards me._

_An evil grin plasterers my face when I poke her again and ask, 'What, this?'_

'_Yes, this.', she growls again and takes another step forward._

_We are now face to face and staring each other right into the eyes. Knowing us both I already know that neither of us will back away. For a moment my eyes leave hers to catch a glimpse cleavage. Unconsciously I lick my lips and bring my eyes back up to hers. _

_After some silence, only disturbed by both our heavy breathings, I am ready to continue. I don't know why but I got bold and let my finger rest on her collarbone. 'And...', I start to speak again while I am running my finger over her collarbone simultaneously. '...what if I don't stop?' I ask only above a whisper while I watch my finger sliding between the valley of her breasts._

_  
And before I know it she has me pinned against the office door kissing me hard and passionately and fiddling with my belt. _

_I moan into our kiss and let her have control. She massages my breasts roughly through my blouse and I can feel myself getting wetter and wetter. _

_When she cups me through my panties I throw my head back and moan loudly against the ceiling. She slowly brings her hand into motion. Creating friction. Making me wetter. Just when I think I am about to explode the slips her hand past my panties and circles my clit._

'_Oh god.', I moan into her neck._

_She leaves my clit and lets her middle finger slide between my hot and wet folds. She growls into my ear as soon as she recognizes how wet she has made me. _

'_God, you have no idea how much I want to fuck you.', She tells me and takes my earlobe between her teeth. _

'_Do you have an idea how wet you are, Cat?', she asks, rubbing me slowly. 'You are so fucking wet..', she states licking my neck, '...do I always have this effect on you?' _

_When she doesn't get a response she bites my neck, making me hiss in pleasure. I pull away from her neck and take her face into my hands. I kiss her hard on the lips. _

'_Fuck me, Sidle!', I almost order her when I pull away._

_She takes two fingers and pushes them hard and fast inside me. I throw my legs around her waist and she hoisters me up fucking me harder and harder. _

* * *

I moan her name and dig my nails into the fabric of my couch as I come hard against my hand.

Still lightly stroking my clit and still inside myself I begin to cry until I fall asleep on my couch.

* * *

Review please... i live from it! :D

tbc


	6. Chapter 6

:: Well, well... long time no read, eh? A really long time. I just didn't find the right words to continue this story. Muses weren't really on my side... girls. Always the same. BUT now I kinda have them on my side. Somehow. We'll see how far it leads me. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this and remember to leave some comments or even ideas. Might actually help me with this. ;) ::

Sara's POV

I am totally unbalanced. I am not myself. I don't know what to do.

Not that the last part would be anything new to me but it has just reached a level that I can't take anymore. Totally and utterly unbearable.

I want to unwind. No, that's not quite the truth. I NEED to unwind. That's for sure.

So I decided that it would be a good idea to call Max finally. She seemed really fun. And that's just what I need right now. Fun.

At the end of tonight's shift I am the first to practically storm into the locker room, to change and search for that matchbox with her number on it. I am still searching through my locker when I hear someone taking a seat behind on the locker room bench.

I consider turning around to look who it is.

"Could it be... that maybe you are looking for this?"

Slowly I pull my head out of my locker and turn so I can take a look at her, sitting on the bench behind me grinning smugly, holding the matchbox between two fingers.

Sighing I close my locker and turn so I can lean against it.

"Yes? No?", she asks crossing her legs. "Maybe?"

I cock my head and keep on looking at her knowing that she is waiting for an answer.

"Planing on getting laid tonight, Sidle?", she asks without breaking eye contact.

I know she wants an answer. Wants me desperately to play along her little game. But I just look at her and grin.

Impatience getting the best of her she decides to stand up and step into my personal space. I am still not moving nor saying anything. I won't give in.

She places her left hand flat onto the locker next to my head. "Do you wanna fuck her...", she starts again and traces my face with the corner of the matchbox "Or do you want her going down on you, huh?" she whispers her question against my face. Letting her hot breath tingle my skin.

"Or do you guys already want to do the give and take?", she asks once again only this time she pushes her hips into mine.

I can't help but whimper at that. I mean who could be possibly so resistant enough to not enjoy someone rolling their hips into yours. Especially if that someone is Catherine fucking Willows.

She chuckles into my ear dropping the matchbox and placing her now free hand on my shoulder.

"You don't need her to unwind.", she whispers into my ear letting her hand slide between my breasts. "You know how very capable I am with helping you with that." With that she cups me through my jeans.

I am still not moving or saying anything to this. It feels good having her touching me and even if I wouldn't say that out loud I won't be telling her to stop either. Although I really should.

"I can have you moaning my name within seconds, Sidle.", she states starting to set her hand into motion. Still getting no answer she obviously thinks that she needs to prove her point. So she starts fiddling with my belt buckle. Having it open she starts with the buttons of my jeans. Popping them open hastily.

Well, seems like someone's getting impatient.

I really don't know what to do. I mean if I am honest, really honest with myself, I only want her. BUT, and yes there's a big BUT, I am just way too proud and too stubborn to actually admit that. To her that is.

So the question now is: should I stop her? Should I let her continue and then just go. Might be the best solution. I let her have her way with me and then take the matchbox. Not necessarily to call Max afterwards but to make a statement. But what statement would that be?

It would definitely hurt her. Do I want to hurt her?

What do I want?

And suddenly Catherine's fingers on my hot center pull me out of my inner rant.

"Oh, if I didn't know better I might say you'd be enjoying this...", she purrs into my ear.

Damn her smugness. Somehow I need to get her back. I need to come up with something. Otherwise she totally wins this round. Not good for my ego. Not. Good.

"Well, maybe I got a little worked up thinking of Max.", I manage to bring out when her hand starts to work its wonders on me.

And as soon as it has started it ends. She pulls away a little to be able to look into my eyes.

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"What?", I ask all innocent.

With her hand still in my pants she chuckles lightly and all of the sudden pushes two fingers inside me. I can't help but whimper at that. Feeling my eyes closing slowly under the pleasure she is giving me right now. That came totally unexpected.

"Well, well... despite popular believe, babe, I do have to tell you that I do know you... ", she says proving her point but curling her pumping fingers just a little, "Very good indeed."

She's good. God, I hate to admit it... but she's so good.

"Don't you dare to think that I don't know that you are fighting with yourself right now... You want me just as much as I want you. Maybe even more considering your current state."

"Ugh...", is all I can come up with right now.

"That pretty much answers all of my questions...", she whispers against my ear while concentrating on fucking me senseless.

Damn her. Only one way left to turn the tables to be able to win this.

So I do just this. I turn the tables.

In one swift move I pull her hand out of my pants and pin her against the lockers. I might add that I am even more frustrated then I have been before because I didn't let her finish but this is for a cause.

Me not losing this.

For a moment she looks shocked. But that look is soon replaced by that damn smug grin. She still thinks she's got the upper hand here. But I will show her who really is having the upper hand.

Thank god, she's been to court today and is wearing one of her skirts.

I push her skirt over her hips. An action I have fantasized a lot about today and just when she is about to say another smart ass phrase I pick her up so that she, almost instinctively, wraps her longs sexy legs around my waist.

Silenced for now.

I look at her for a moment. She's about to lose. Being sure of that I begin to grin smugly myself.

Without taking my eyes from hers I stark to slowly unbutton her blouse. Her eyes are fixed on my hands. Watching every button pop open. I bet her mouth is getting dryer with each button. And my suspicion is confirmed when her tongue darts out to wet her dry lips.

When the last button is opened I let my flat hand slide between her beautiful breasts. Down her stomach. Letting it reach its final destination between her legs.

"Oh, god...", she moans into my shoulder.

Deciding while cupping her through her thong that I need to give her breasts some attention I push even further into her supporting her now fully on my hips. My free hand comes up to push her bra up and massages her left breast roughly.

Her hips, having somehow a life of their own, start to slowly grind into my hand to give her some of that lovely friction.

I bend down to kiss her neck, making sure that I leave a mark there. She will remember this. If she wants to or not.

Getting a little impatient myself I slip my hand past the barrier of her thong and let just one finger slide between her soaked and hot folds making sure I don't put too much pressure on her clit.

"Sar...", she half whispers half moans against my ear. Sending shivers down my spine. God, why must she be so damn fucking sexy.

I continue this while alternating between kissing and biting her shoulder while my other hand is still playing with her breast.

I want her to beg for it. To actually beg for it.

"Please... Sar... Please... God.", she moans while trying to push her hips further into the touch.

"Please what?", I hiss into her ear.

"I...", she starts but needs to stop and digs her nails into my shoulders when I add a little more pressure. "I... I need... you. Now."

Being sure that I almost have her I continue. "Need me to do what?"

She lets the back of her head fall against the lockers behind her letting out a strangled moan before taking my head between her hands and kissing me hungrily.

When she pulls back she looks me into the eyes. And for a moment, I swear, everything stops. There's just me and her. Just me and her. That's all there is and when she says "I need you inside me... I... need you to... fuck me." I am feeling almost dizzy with pure... I don't know... need, I guess. It's just so overwhelming that I feel the need to kiss her.

So I do.

And while I do I push three fingers hard and deep into her. Filling her. Making her mine. Over and over again. With every thrust.

"God, yes... Sar...", she moans against my lips.

Her hips now match my thrusts and I can feel her being close.

I take a look at her. Her hair messed up. Her lips swollen from kissing me. A hickey on her neck forming. An already noticeable bite mark on her shoulder. Her chest heaving. Flushed.

She's beautiful. Absolutely and utterly beautiful.

And though I might regret it afterwards, this is not about us. We are not together. She came here, basically asking for a fight. I need to win this. I have to. There's no other way.

So I still my hand and let her slowly drop onto her feet again. She looks at me anticipatingly. As if the was something to still come. How wrong she is.

I take a step back. Button my pants back up. Buckling the belt again.

I just stand there for a moment. She hasn't moved yet. Still standing there, breathing hard. Her blouse hanging loosely around her shoulders. Her skirt still pushed up her hips.

Good. Very good.

I begin to smile and take a step forward back into her personal space again. She's about to lean in to kiss me when I move so that my mouth is right next to her ear.

"You want this by far more than me... babe.", I whisper into her ear.

With that I am out the room: But not before picking up the matchbox.

I won.

So... what do you guys think? Sara's just plain evil, huh? Oh, yes she is. But she is going to have to expect consequences. Oh, yes...


	7. Chapter 7

hey, peeps... took a long time and is far too brief for a real chapter... but i am working on it. so, enjoy and let me know what ya guys think. xxj

* * *

Faster than I would have guessed but here's the next one. Enjoy guys.

Catherine's POV

I lost track of time standing in the shower.

Considering my skin it must be quite long.

Too long.

And yet, still not long enough.

I decided to take a shower here at work after... well. After Sara, I guess.

I lean my forehead against the shower wall.

I sigh.

I begin to sob.

I cry.

My hands come up to cover my face in a vain attempt to stop myself from breaking down.

Like I said. Vain.

I cry and eventually, I break down.

Again. Like so many other times over the past few months.

The shower's been way too hot. I realize that when I look at myself in the mirror.

My skin is red.

Not red enough to hide her marks though.

I title my head to take a look at my neck. Tracing the mark on my still wet neck. Tracing down 'till I reach the mark on my shoulder.

* * *

"_I can't believe you did this.", I say as I look at the hickey._

"_Well, what can I say? I got a little carried away, I guess.", she says as she wraps her arms around me from behind me._

"_A hickey... Really?", I ask still __examining_ _the hickey on my neck._

"_Yeah, I mean... yeah...", she chuckles into my neck._

"_How old are you?", I ask her searching her eyes in the mirror._

"_Oh, that depends... considering the somehow teenage like make out session we had yesterday I'd say something around like sixteenish.", she husks into my ear._

_I close my eyes. That really was some make out session. God, that woman can kiss. _

"_Yeah, I remember that one. Especially with a constant reminder on my neck.", I say still not believing that she gave me a huge hickey._

_She chuckles again and kisses my shoulder lovingly. "See, a good thing then."_

_I turn in her arms and wrap my arms around her neck. "A good thing?", I ask looking at her questioningly._

"_Yeah, whenever you'll look at your neck, you'll remember me and our more than enjoyable little teenage make out session. A reminder and a promise for more to come, babe", With that she kisses me, giving me a sneak preview of the next 'session'._

* * *

I need to get dressed and I need to get home. I need to get away. I need her.

I need her.

I need her so much.

It hurts. Physically. So much.

I can't breathe.

I sigh.

I begin to sob.

I cry.

I break down.

And still... I need her.

* * *

tbc


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